"Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" or "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" Vermicelli pudding for Eid-Al-Fitr or Christmas ham? For some interfaith families in Anne Arundel County, these questions impact their holiday plans and the answers can vary greatly.

"We call the holidays our December delight and dilemma," joked Susan Ryder, program coordinator at Interfaith Families Project (IFFP) of the Greater Washington DC Area. IFFP caters to the needs of Jewish and Christian interfaith couples who want to raise children with an understanding of both faiths. At IFFP religious services, congregants focus on whatever Jewish or Christian holiday is next on the calendar.

"Holidays are tough enough when someone celebrates just Christmas. When families want to do both Christmas and Hanukkah, the holidays can become very trying for parents," said Rev. Julia Jarvis, who is the spiritual director at IFFP.

A Meshing of Two Traditions

Jenn Barrett and her family might be poster children for the IFFP. The Barretts celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah in their home. Jenn Barrett is Jewish and worships at Congregation Kol Shalom in Annapolis, which was founded by Jenn's parents and others.

Tim, her husband, was raised Pentecostal but his present church-going is restricted to Christmas and Easter. Their two daughters, ages 10 and 4, are being raised Jewish and attend Hebrew school.

Michael Betnun and his Ethiopian wife, Arfassa Shiferaw, are adherents of different faiths too. Betnun is Jewish and Shiferaw is Christian. Their son, Jonathan, is being raised with both faith traditions.

Twice the Fun

"Some of our congregants alternate the holidays between both sets of families," said Jarvis.

Janice Krasnow was raised Jewish but was not a regular temple-goer. Her husband, Dennis Hawver, had been raised in the Unitarian church but had become an atheist later. Their daughters expressed interest in Judaism recently.
Their family now celebrates a secular Christmas, exchanging gifts. The girls get small gifts for Hanukkah since the holiday is a minor Jewish festival.

Krasnow also has other interfaith couples as friends. The families usually meet up in one family's home for a Hanukkah meal. For Christmas, they either go to Hawver's parents' home in Kensington, MD, or to Krasnow's parents in New York.

Barrett wants her kids to grow up with an understanding of their father's culture. The Barretts do the secular activities of the season, such as watching the Nutcracker. They split the holidays with both sets of grandparents, going to Jenn's parents for Hanukkah and to Tim's for Christmas.

"My 4-year-old's favorite activity of the season is getting her picture taken with Santa," Barrett said. "My daughters' friends are so jealous ... since they get to celebrate both sets of holidays. They get gifts for Hanukkah and for Christmas."

Before Children or After: When to Decide?

Krasnow's now 15-year-old daughter was the one who became interested in Judaism.

"Three years ago, we attended a bat mitzvah in New York. My older daughter, who was then 12, was taken up with the Hebrew, the synagogue and the liturgy," Krasnow said.

At her daughter's behest, Krasnow looked around for and found Congregation Kol Shalom in Annapolis. Her younger daughter too got interested in the faith soon after. Hawver attends services occasionally with his wife and daughters.

Amy Goldstein reports something similar in her own home. Goldstein, a Catholic, met her Jewish husband at Georgetown University. The couple had an interfaith marriage ceremony incorporating elements of both traditions. When her son was younger, Goldstein put up Christmas stockings and celebrated Christmas. As he got older, he became more interested in Hebrew school. He formally converted to Judaism in early December.

This year, the Goldsteins celebrated only Hanukkah with small gift exchanges and a menorah lighting. They do not plan to celebrate Christmas. The family is traveling to Chicago on Christmas to meet Amy's parents.

"But we won't have any Christmas celebrations," Goldstein said. "I want to support my son in his religious goals."

The Goldsteins and Krasnow had relatively smooth transitions into the Jewish faith but their experiences might not be the norm.

Ryder and Jarvis say that at IFFP,  they sometimes get confused or squabbling couples, who need the guidance of IFFP to hash out issues.

"The best time to talk about how a child will be raised is before marriage," said Ryder.

IFFP offers a six-week course once a year for interfaith couples who are planning to marry.

Talking About Differences

Differences are inevitable, said Ryder.

"We might have someone, who after 18 years of marriage, might still be uncomfortable with hanging Christmas lights. Or we might have a mother who says my daughter wants to go to church with my husband instead of coming to temple with me," she said.

IFFP aims to bring couples to the table, as "pioneers." It provides people with a safe space to express their views to their spouse or partner, added Jarvis. Krasnow, Barrett and Goldstein all are on the same page as their respective spouses. Krasnow and Barrett say they've discussed differences with their children too.

"As far as Jesus is concerned, my daughters and I have discussed how he is a great man. We can celebrate his life and his message without believing he is son of God," said Krasnow.

"We've explained to the kids that daddy worships differently and we worship differently. But even though they're Jewish, they get an understanding of both cultures," stated Barrett.

Said Krasnow, "The holidays are all about peace, love and joy. They're sentiments we can all appreciate."

For more holiday stories on Greater Annapolis Patch, click here.