Paul Stoneham leaned back in his desk chair at the Key School, considering a question on one of his favorite topics — college admissions. After 41 years at the school, 26 of them as a college adviser, he’s still passionate about the subject.

Stoneham dismisses the notion that many high-achieving parents have concerning their kids’ college futures: Ivy League or bust. Rather, he focuses on finding the college that’s right for the individual student.

“It’s all about fit,” says Stoneham. “Every school should be one that they envision attending. It’s not important to have the school name on the back of the car.”

He also encourages parents and high school students to recognize that despite stellar academic and extracurricular achievements, a student still might not be accepted by the college of their choice.

Each college is building a class of students — the class of 2015 — and that class requires budding scientists, musicians, athletes, mathematicians, artists, and community–minded individuals along with students hailing from all parts of the nation and world. Most colleges work earnestly to create diversity, which means academic standing isn't the only consideration.

Although college sits squarely in the future vision of most Key students, even at a young age, the search becomes more formal in 11th grade. Beginning in the fall, Stoneham hosts a series of monthly college information sessions for Key juniors and their parents. In these meetings, he stresses the process, noting that the students are figuring things out as they go along.  

Often a student’s top choice at this stage “is a moving target,” according to Stoneham. “It’s the flavor of the week.”

That’s normal, even though some students may latch on to a single college and not let go.

In January, each student and his or her parents have a private, in-depth meeting with Stoneham to tap into the student’s collegiate personality and start the school selection process.

Soon after the initial meeting, students head out to visit some of the colleges on the newly assembled list. Stoneham encourages these visits. A visit while the school is in session provides a prospective student with a gut feeling, one that a virtual tour or book on college statistics can’t offer. Some students will walk onto a campus, and within minutes declare that this is the college that they want to attend, or alternately, that they despise the place.

A visit also fulfills one of Stoneham’s other important criteria: indicating interest in a particular school. The more interest a student expresses — through school visits, interviews, meetings with college admission officers, and e-mails or telephone calls — the better, within reason. Don’t become "stalkerish," Stoneham cautions.

The college adviser also suggests that parents be enthusiastic and supportive, but not hijack the process. This is the student’s journey; parents are interested passengers along for the ride.

Stoneham soothes anxious parents (and students) by reminding them that kids generally end up at the school where they’re supposed to be.

Tips for Applying to Colleges from Stoneham

• Make sure students apply only to schools with which they are fully comfortable. Too often, students focus on their first and second choices without giving much thought to safety schools.

• Apply to six to eight schools: two likely for admission; two possible; and two reaches, with one or two additional reach or possible schools for added peace of mind.

• Take the SAT twice: once in the spring of junior year and once in the fall of senior year. More test-taking doesn’t often yield substantially different results.

• Don’t base choices on whether the college seems affordable; merit or financial aid may become available, sometimes without even applying for it.

• Encourage every girl to visit a women’s college even if she strongly protests. Historically, these colleges have empowered so many women leaders, that Stoneham feels they warrant consideration.

• Don’t fret if a student doesn’t get into his or her first choice. A large percentage of such kids end up loving the college they attend.

• Be yourself in the mandatory essay; colleges want to know what makes a student tick. Students should use spell check and have an adult look over (but not write) the essay before submitting it.

Stoneham also recommends these information sources.

• The www.educationconservancy.org offers a remarkably sane set of guidelines for students and parents. Click on the link for “We Admit…Guidance for Those Who Do.”

• The Key School website has a link to Financial Aid 101, which gives a succinct overview of merit and need-based aid.

• Of all the college statistics books available, the Fiske Guide to Colleges is the one Stoneham likes best.

• Colleges that Change Lives: 40 Schools that Will Change the Way You Think about College by retired New York Times Education Editor Loren Pope, is terrific and mind-changing reading for parents and students.

• The National Center for College Statistics’ College Navigator site offers a way to search for colleges based on student input and preferences.
• Fastweb.com is a highly recommended site that offers financial aid and scholarship information.

From 4 to 6 p.m. on March 27, Key and Severn schools will host a joint college forum at Key School for any high-school student and parents interested in learning more about the college-application process in general from Case Western Reserve University, the University of Vermont and Haverford College admissions officers. 

Editor's note: This is the first installment of a two-part series about the college admissions process. To see part one from the perspective of a public school college adviser, click here.